The theme “anger” came out at a Gelstat session. The client used the expression “psychotic breakdown” to refer to those moments when she connected with anger; it is not the only word I have heard people use in relation to anger with negative connotations. Every time that this topic comes up and I casually ask the patient what his or her relationship with anger is, I seldom hear, oh, good, sometimes it gets difficult but we sort of understand each other. In general, either it is ignored, sort of like, I never get angry, or it is hated or feared. This doesn’t help when managing anger, on the contrary. Rage/anger is nothing more than energy we need to have available in order to do something, whether it is to set boundaries, defend ourselves from an aggression, go towards what we want or solve a dangerous situation. This energy that suddenly piles up needs an outlet, if it doesn’t find it, it can either retroflect becoming an emotional or somatic blockage, or it can go out in different ways: passive-aggressively, searching for conflict so that the other person blows up for instance, with irony or sarcasm, or if cumulated coming out as a pressure hose we have lost control of.
Manuel Cuesta often talks about “the good rage” in order to change our perception towards that generous energy available for us in those situations where we need strength to go somewhere o where we feel in danger or threatened. In order to make decisions, even to be born we need energy, and energy with direction which allows us to move in the direction we want to.
Working first on our awareness is key in order to see if there is a yearning, or if what we perceive as danger is such to start with, or to see if there is accumulated rage that needs to come out in healthy and controlled ways. In Gelstat herapy we often work by releasing it, as it is not easy to know what lies behind all that rage, all those boundaries which were not set, or were too blurry, or all those times we could not say or do what we wanted or needed. It is therefore important to let it out, let it speak and see if there is something or what is behind it. It is especially important not to force it. There are many places where people are encouraged to let it out without previously connecting with it in a healthy way, with an attentive listening and following a process. This is something to be avoided, to force it and throw a cushion-hitting party does not work; it needs to be done with awareness and care, taking into account that we all have our own process and pace.
We often concentrate our rage on that or those we believe guilty of our anger, when we should be more concerned with the aggression or the frustration, or whatever it is that lies behind it for us and how we move with it. We are not talking here about inaction in the case of an aggression but about the countless daily situations where we don’t look into what lies behind the rage, if we perceive our rage to begin with. Usually this disempowers us and leaves us trapped with no way out, and our look directed towards what/who we have in front of us. Seeing, on the other hand, how we move when angry helps us to be present and aware of our behavioural tendencies.
For example, I feel looked down on by my workmate, s/he criticized me from behind, sends emails that give a false idea to create a false impression of me, etc. This makes me really angry, and that energy starts to pile up. My answer could be to use that energy to confront my workmate and express how I feel so that these toxic dynamics can change. Anger can, should this behaviour continue taking place, help me escalate it to my superiors so that action can be taken about it. But, if I don’t listen to my anger and what it tells me, that I feel mistreated and I need this situation to stop, and I direct my anger towards my workmate, I can start trying to take revenge on him, by doing the same as him, and eternalizing a behaviour that doesn’t bring any good to anyone. Or I could simply keep it inside and start to feel head or stomach aches that don’t seem to have an explanation, or even let all my anger out on the people or animals I live with and trust, and on whom I project my anger.
This example, which is pretty simple in itself, can be found in more complex situations, where finding out what lies behind our anger can require a little bit more work. But to be able to get closer to our anger from a more positive angle can make the whole situation much simpler and fruitful. I hope you found the article useful and remember we can assist you with your process with any of the therapies we offer.
We hope that the article has been useful to you and remember that if you wish, we can accompany you with one or more of Conectando con tu Latir services, Be it Gestalt therapy, Flower Essences, Pericardium Liberation or a combination of them.
Holding on to rage is,
like holding a burning coal
with the intention of throwing it at someone;
Buddha
